in fact, it wast just nine months ago that I had this very same feeling. The feeling that everything is crashing down around me, and there's nothing I can do about it. Just sit by and watch it happen. There's nothing worse than feeling like all your hopes, dreams and expectations are completely futile.
I know this place. It's called "rock bottom". It's the place that you come crashing into when nothing is going your way.
I've been here before.
This is the third time, in fact. I'm a little tired of it. I don't know what to do. What to say. What to expect. Will things continue to get worse? Or will they eventually start looking up? I'm not sure. Frankly, at this point my guess would be the former.
You would think that since I've been here before and seen things work out in my favor that I wouldn't be feeling so down about it. I guess that's just the way it goes.
We've come to that familiar place where we sit down and weigh all our options. The Professor says if he doesn't get up a job up there and if we can't find a place to live than he'd rather just not go. I say he should go no matter what, even if it means leaving Batman and me behind, possibly living with my in-laws. So that's what it's come to. Again, it's familiar. I remember distinctly last fall dreading the possibility that we would end up moved in with his parents because he couldn't find a job. Then the school ended up offering him three teaching sections, which more than payed our bills and let us get this place.
It's probably easy for everyone out there reading this to say, "See, it will all work out!" But I honestly don't know. I would love to feel that optimistic, I really would. Actually I've always considered myself an optimist, but now am beginning to realize that I'm much more of a realist.
So, I don't know what to say. I guess at this point I should be praying hard. But I can't help but feel a little abandoned by the God I put so much faith into. (Again, been here before. Thankfully he is faithful even when we are not.)
(This post in not intended to make anyone feel sorry for me. I just needed to get it all out.)
Veteran's Day
3 hours ago
4 comments:
*HUUUUGGGGGGG*
You know I'm here for you.
I don't think it's easy to say it will all work out! Who knows what life will bring? But I can hope that it works out for you and hopefully once he is at Yale you can settle into a routine for a few years and not have this constant stress!
Ouch. If I were you, I would b wishing for a remote control so I could fast forward into the future and see how things turned out. Wouldn't that he cool?
I know it sucks that you don't know how things are going to turn out. That's so stressful and frustrating. {{{HUGS}}}
Praying for you. Trust and faith are so hard. Hang in there. You have two wonderful and healthy men by your side, life can't be to bad. I will continue to pray that you survive the move and all the stress involved.
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